Yet Another Failure!

Yup, it figures. I did not win a cruise with James Brausch. My cunning attempt to portray myself as a perfect Pygmalion 98%’er for his Henry Higgins 2% machinations went down in flames. But at least it was a spectacular disaster, not unlike that ski jumper featured in the opening of that great old TV show, Wide World of Sports. My entry was so bad I managed to get mentioned, if not by name:

“Some entries were just plain scary. They said “I’m a failure and I’m just going to whine the whole time if you invite me”.

This was clearly a reference to moi. Is it true? Would I have spent the entire time whining? No. It is true that my skin is so pale that the cruise line would likely issue a medical warning to fellow passengers advising them to wear dark sunglasses for fear of being temporarily blinded. Its also true that my table manners have been compared unfavorably to those of a starving, rabid badger.

But no, I’m actually pretty interesting dinner company. Once I get that nasty drooling habit under control, I can actually hold a decent conversation, often stringing multiple syntactically proper sentences together into something resembling coherent thought. On rare occasions, usually under heavy sedation, I can even engage in what some might call “repartee”.

I simply thought that James was looking for a 98%’er in his intial stages of striving to become a 2%’er. I mean, how better to demonstrate the superiority of one’s approach to success than if you take some misbegotten, malodorous wretch and turn him into a Shiny Happy People?

But no, James actually wanted someone much closer to his own two-percentness. In the end he chose Eric Graham, an up-and-coming copywriter. Why? Let’s take a look at JB’s own words:

Only Eric Graham though wrote a couple of entries that just plain made me say “I want to have dinner with this guy. I want to talk to him. I want to add him to my friend list. He will be a pleasant dinner guest and someone I really want to get to know.”

Apparently, James wants to enjoy his cruise, and not spend his time playing Dr. Fronkensteen with someone possessing an “Abby Normal” brain. JB then mentioned he’d be doing this again in the future, and that readers should study the winning entry for clues. Heck, from reading both his entire blog and the above, I think I know precisely what James wants in a perfect cruise guest: a version of Noel Coward who can prove he has smashed his television set.

Well then, shall I continue this blog? Should I continue to document my efforts at becoming a 2%’er for all to see, read, and laugh/cry/cringe at? Leave a quick comment and let me know.


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